I can’t sleep tonight. My husband, a Den Leader for my son’s Cub Scout Troop, is out at Burke Lake on a campout with our two sons. My daughter is asleep and I am approximately 393,234 sheep from sleep. Here are a list of things keeping me from sleeping tonight:
1. Is the new air mattress comfortable?
2. Are the boys too cold?
3. Did Travis take his meds? Did I?
4. Will Ben’s scar go away soon? Damn. We forgot to put on the scar-reducing lotion. I need to buy some Vitamin E from Freshfields.
5. Did I really shut the garage door? Would it be neurotic to check it for the third time? If I went and checked it, I could get the clothes out of the dryer but I can’t find the brown laundry basket and the white one is full of clean laundry.
Ben’s scar
6. Will my headache ever go away? I think I gave myself a mild concussion when I knocked the contents of the top shelf of Ben’s bookcase on my head. I cradled my head in my hands, sunk to the floor, and called for a medic, or the chief medical officer of our household. That’s the Cup Scout leader of course. I’m so grateful it was only a passing head wound. I lay there on the floor thinking about all the doctors and nurses who have taken care of me in the past. They comforted me each time and promised me I’d be okay, and I was. I could tell from their faces that they’d seen far worse injuries than mine.
7. Is lip balm addictive? What if it is found to cause cancer, like saccharine? Oh crap. How many bottles of diet coke have I had over the years? How about regular soda? Coke is usually too sweet, but I love Slurpees, especially with Coke mixed with Cherry and that blue stuff. How many calories does a regular sized Slurpee have? And why do they have to make them with Aspartame in the lemon-lime flavor?
8. What if the anti-diarrheal tablets are expired and I get diarrhea? That makes me giggle.
9. It’s so quiet I can hear my heartbeat. My resting heart rate should be 60 BPM or lower but I’m not resting. I should check it right now but if it’s above 60 BPM, I’ll stay up all night wondering if I’m going to get a panic attack. If I get a panic attack, I’ll have to call Travis on his cell phone and what if his cell phone is out of batteries? Will that mean he doesn’t love me enough to keep batteries operational? Crap. Did he replace the batteries in the black flashlight?
10. Did the boys brush their teeth?
11. It’s too quiet. Why are the frogs gone? I miss the frogs and they won’t be back until spring. In spring, the pollen returns and Maddie is allergic to pollen. Remember when she had to take Xopenex 3-4 times a day for months at a time? Or the time she had to stay on the Nebulizer for the entire winter after I took the kids out in the rain in December and all three of them got pneumonia . . . man was I scared. And I was secretly convinced thay it was my fault they all caught pneumonia. That had to have been my fault, right?
12. How far away is Florida from Seattle? Baltimore is what, 2,700 miles from Seattle? Remember when they showed the flight plan in Harry Met Sally? And can men and women really not be” just” friends? What’s my friend Sam doing right now? I should text her. It’s only 9:30 in Seattle.
13. The Marine Corps Marathon is in seven days and seven hours. This time next week I’ll really be freaking out. Damn. My heart just sped up.
I should stop at 13. Wait. I’m supposed to write out “thirteen.” Speaking of number thirteen, I refuse to believe in silly superstitions. So does my Maddie. Obdurate and strong, she wears the number thirteen. That is one of the many things I like about her.
She and I watched A League of Their Own Tonight. It’s the first time she’s seen it, and the fourth time I’ve seen it. I still cried at the end, and after it was over, we talked about it. She wanted to know my story.
I grew up as a serious ballplayer . . . but tonight was the first time I could really explain it to my daughter. We talked some, and then she hugged me and gasped, “Wow–so that’s the sport you grew up playing?
“Yep. I won championships. I was a pitcher, like Kit.”
Madeline stared at me, a little breathless. “You were?”
I grinned. “Come on Maddie. How many moms throw like I do?”
With her arms wrapped around my neck, she replied, “None. You throw like Dottie.”
I nodded. “And I can teach you how to throw like that too.”
Goodnight friends. It’s one a.m. here in Northern Virginia. I’m not going to bed yet. But I hope you are sleeping in the arms of the person you love most.
And if you’re in the mood to chat, please tell me some of the things that keep you up at night.
My brain keeps me awake at night. Circadian rhythm is backwards. Love it that way.
Talk to me about things that keep me up during the day. Phones (don’t they know I’m sleeping).
Good luck in the Marathon. Semper Fi, El.
Aloha,
Doug
Doug:
Phones during the daytime? Gah!! I usually try to turn my ringer off (and promptly forget). Thank you so much re the MCM!
Aloha,
El
Restless Leg Syndrome has been keeping me up a lot lately. Hate it! If I don’t take a whoppin’ dose of Benedryl and melatonin, I’d be up all night every night otherwise. Never was a good sleeper. Wonder why that is. My brain is too active and i’m naturally a night owl, so perhaps it’s that. But tonight I’m holding out hope that I’ll fall asleep and stay asleep until the alarm goes off at 5 AM. It’s race day…love race days! Sleep tight, my friend!
Oh! Melatonin! I used to take that every night–thanks for reminding me to get more of it! I’m the same as far as night-owldom and active brainism and the thing is, I can sleep well in the afternoon, darn it! Have a blast today, and best wishes to you!! xo
I am sleepless in New Mexico. My husband is on a weekend spiritual retreat in the mountains about 200 miles away with no cell phone coverage. I miss him. I was sitting in his big man leather recliner, wishing my hubby were here, when I saw a mouse run across the floor. It looked really fat. Probably pregnant. Eeek! And me, with no hubby! I considered asking the neighbors if I could borrow one of their cats, but our dog thinks cats are chew toys. I’m afraid to go to sleep. What it the mouse gets up on the bed? What if it decides to make a mouse nest out of my long hair? YiKeS!! I want to move immediately. My hubby won’t be back until Monday. It’s going to be a long sleepless weekened.
Good morning Lady Q! Oh no, out of cell phone coverage while a big mouse is racing across the floor? Gah! I am absolutely convinced that a mouse (not to mention all other sorts of horrific rodents lol) could get on the bed, so not sleeping is surely an excellent idea under the circumstances! And I was ready to move when a certain insect that shall not be named was allegedly spotted inside my house (frightened shiver). Hope you get a nap this morning!
I think I caught the mouse today. Assuming there’s only one, which I know is probably wishful thinking. Anyway, a couple of hours after I threw some cheese-covered tortillas chips into the trash, a suspicious rustling sound could be heard coming from the trash bag. Which was what I had hoped for, you see. So I tiptoed quietly over to the trash bag, then quickly grabbed it closed, ran outside, and stuffed it into an airtight container. The house has been blessedly quiet ever since… but… now I am worried about that poor little mouse! I’m hopeless!
You make me smile Lady Q. I’m the same way . . . this morning, my daughter was yowling about a ladybug that was on the table. I have a strict no kill rule for ladybugs, but when I was trying to move her, I must have killed her. I was rather distraught, but my daughter gave me a big hug.
PS: My daughter lives in Seattle. She never sleeps.
LOL!
Grinning. I’ve never been out there but I do wanna go visit the PNW!
back to back airing of “two and a half men” episodes keep me up at night
Ooooh Raunak–that would do it for me as well!
Well, I am a crummy sleeper consistently, but I cannot remember the last time I was up all night worrying. I just do not worry a lot anymore. It took me years to do it, but I trained my brain to stay in one place through prayer. So, instead of the fun-filled, gawd awful, psychodelic, slide show that used to be my ever thinking mind, I can now talk to God for hours, which is far more peaceful. Carrie, try drinking tonic water for the RLS. That pretty near cured me of that and that used to keep me up all night. I hope that you got some sleep! I love you!
Ah but I like the fun-filled, gawd awful, psychedelic slide show you described–it sounds so artistic lol. Sigh. I joke. It’s beautiful here–you should see the yellow, orange and red leaves. I did get to sleep after reading the Bible and slept pretty well, but there was no disguising the sadness that was really crushing in on me. I tried to write my way through it but there’s only so much running a woman can do–you know? I love you too my friend.
I don’t sleep much, most of the time then it all crashes in on my and I sleep for an entire day. Yesterday was that day. Now, I have to catch up on everything I should have done yesterday.
I love that movie! There’s no crying in baseball, one of my favorite lines from any movie, ever!
Give your brain permission to let go, rest.
I love you.
Mmm I sort of like those days, you know, Val? Then again, I tend to get them when I’m really depressed, so they can be a bit scary too. Sometimes I think God gives them to us as a true gift. I don’t know. I hope you get bunches of good stuff done today!
Yep, it’s one of my alltime faves! And ’tis a fantastic quotation!
My husband is back home and I’m thinking I can finally rest.
Love you too!
I’m a sister in the ‘lights out brain in motion’ club. Sometimes I need to wear myself out to the point of being able to sleep on concrete in order to go to bed and fall asleep. I write brilliant blog posts in my head that are horrible in the light of day, I think of all of the things I can do nothing about, the things I can and choose not to, the worries, time travel, where I stored last year’s decorations. It never ends. Invent a brain cap – one that stops the chatter – and you’ll be a mulit-gozillianaire overnight. Great post. We all identify.
Good morning Renee! I used to work out at midnight just to quiet my mind down enough to sleep (especially when I was about to flip out and have a panic attack) . . . I dig the concept of a brain cap especially to help us deal with brain clouds lol. Thank you so much re my post . . . it makes me feel good to know that others identify! ~el
Wow, your mind is a busy busy place. I usually get to bed pretty late, if I can’t sleep I just get up and do something either in the craftroom or on the computer. I think I follow the “don’t sweat the small stuff” philosopy. Then again, I’m not a mom and that makes a lot of small stuff ‘big stuff’.
Morning! Oh my gosh, yes to my mind being a busy place. It has something to do with being AD/HD and bipolar. And I am a nightowl. I love how you deal with it–by working on a project. I also appreciate that you follow such a healthy philosophy (and apply it to your own life!). Thank you so much for stopping in!
You had me laughing so hard, even at few of the serious thoughts simply because you left yourself go to the absurd. I am always amazed at what can go through our heads when we shut off the censoring. It’s a good reminder to look through all those old free-writing journals.
Morning Kelly! Thank you so much for getting my humor! Most of the people who read this (or at least many of them) thought that the entire thing was serious . . . I mean, yeah, I am bipolar and AD/HD, but I tried to take the pathos and serious neurosis I entertain and stretch it to the absurd. My humor is too damn dry for too many (sigh). The funniest response, on my FB page, was a well-meaning guy who told me I was indulging in monkey-thinking and really needed to try more meditation, like he did, to better control my thoughts. I didn’t respond, but in truth, I like to let my thoughts go, because as you noted in your remark about free-writing journals, some cool material often arises out of this sort of meandering. Thanks my friend!
LOVE this! Re. #5–I am horribly neurotic, but mostly about checking the stove. I will check it about four times before going to bed, then come down once or twice just to make sure. I have been known to drive out of the neighborhood, panic about the stove being on, and then drive back to check it. I always say it’s because one time, my roommate left the stove on. But to be honest–I was double-checking before then (that’s how I noticed it was on!)
Morning Christina! Now, see–exactly–you SHOULD check the stove, lol! I giggled last night, because at midnight, I tiptoed downstairs and checked the garage door one last time (last night, one night after I wrote this post). Sure enough, the door was open, and I was so, so certain I’d closed it after I got in from my run. Oh–I had! But the kids had gone outside to play afterwards lol.
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one whose mind races before I fall asleep. I worry if I took my medication, I wonder how long my dog will be sleeping in my bed (he’s approaching middle age), I fret about money. I think I’ll never find a publisher or an agent, though I’d be thrilled with one.
Usually I end up meditating to fall asleep.
Ah yes, Kourtney–exactly how my mind works! You will find an agent and a publisher–I believe that to be so! LOL re your dog. Oh man, the money frets drive me crazy!! Sleep well my friend!
The things that keep me up at night seem so urgent at the time, but when morning comes, I can’t remember a one of them! I suspect it’s comparable to the above in tone and quanti of subjects. I hope you get some good sleep tonight.
Only you would use “quanti.” You, my friend, rock! I’m reading Elelu right now, so it’s neat to hear from you here. Your posts this weekend (on FB) were so very lovely. And thank you re good night’s sleep. I believe I will. ‘Night my friend.
Ok, I’m going to admit it… I lie awake thinking about how old I’m getting. Yikes. Then I think about all the people I’ve known who are no longer living. Sad. But lately I’ve also been thinking about my first great-grandchild, a boy, who is due in February. YAY! Life goes on…
I used to worry about my own death every single night, and that was when my panic attacks began. I started getting seizures in my late 20′s and they were pretty bad. I was afraid that I would fall asleep and never wake up, or I’d wake up to the pain and fear that comes when I had seizures. I finally started to pray AND take SSRIs and I don’t feel afraid anymore. Not usually.
I love how you’re focusing on the lives that are coming into being. I’m not real fond of the opposite!
xoxo
I think you’ve got the right idea. I read somewhere that when you can’t sleep, you should get up and just do what you’ve got on your chore list. Hopefully it isn’t leafblowing the leaves.
LOL Barb!! I must admit that the kid in me sometimes wishes I could unleash the leafblower on my early-bird neighbors–the ones who blast their leaf blowers at dawn. Giggle.
Seriously–I love knocking off stuff from my to-do list when I can’t sleep. It gets my mind off my worries in a good way.
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Although you were restless you still busted out a really entertaining post! Relateable on so many levels. But I’d have to say #4 gave me the biggest laugh. I am sort of maniacal about scars that don’t heal on my babies. Maybe I just think they’re too young to show visible signs of injury.
Aw thank you so much! I had fun writing this one–it’s so much fun to be able to mess around on my blog, you know? Man. Yeah–scars and babies–gah!!! I have had so many sleepless nights worrying about my children when they’re ill or injured. My youngest one does have a nasty scar on his eyebrow, but it’s covered up, thank goodness. Ah well–motherhood gives us lots of sleepless nights, increases wrinkles and turns hair gray!!
Oops! Meant “relatable.” Can’t stand when I make typos darn it! Wish WordPress offered an edit/backspace button for comments.
I changed it lol! It really should give us that option–I always hold my breath when I hit “post” for that very reason because proofreading isn’t my strong suit!
Oh El, I only wish I were in the arms of the one I love but,alas, he is 3,000 miles away and neither of us know when we can afford to see one another again. I also have problems sleeping. I was told by a doctor to keep a notebook by my bed for nighttime note taking. I found it helps so much. After my daughter left for college and my brain registered she wasn’t coming back any time soon sleep became a distant memory for over a week. (I should blog about that.) Good night my sister in blogging.
Ingrid (Walking Between the Grapevines)
Oh, my dear Ingrid–he is 3,000 miles away?! Gah! I’m so, so sorry to hear that! Mine had absconded with my laptop and is eating something atrociously noisy in bed (with lots of crumbs) if that makes you feel any better?
Seriously–I love the notebook by the bed idea. I do the same and it helps me control my anxiety and capture some of my neater/weird ideas.
Ah hun–your daughter leaving for college — gasp . . . mine is nine, and I rather don’t look forward to hugging her and seeing her off. *Sigh. Big hugs to you my friend.
I have problems getting my Z’s too. Looks like you have so many stuff in your mind which I can totally relate as a parent. I hope Ben’s scar will go away too. He is one brave boy with a very happy smile. Wishing you a wonderful day…and lots of great sleep!
Yes, you know, being a parent is my greatest joy, honor and responsibility. Thank you so much re Ben’s scar. I took that picture a few days after he sustained the injury. I should have posted a later picture, because the scar is going away. We told him (to help him and us stop worrying) that girls love scars on boys, but I sure will be happy to see the end of that scar! Wishing you a lovely day as well, and thank you so much for stopping in–it’s so nice to see you here!
Oh, El, I’m late in reading this, but I totally relate to the mind racing that occurs when lying down to bed. Most of the time I fall asleep pretty easily these days because I’m exausted, LOL. But, I also decided to leave up the glowing stars on my ceiling that were there when I bought the place. When I lay my head down at night, I immediately see the stars above and it makes me smile inside and feel peaceful.
If I am having a restless night, I’m usually thinking of all the things that need fixing in my house that I don’t have money for, how I wish I had a partner to help me raise Maycee-a good, decent man who loved me and why didn’t I get that?, how I need more time to ride my horse, how I should get back into church but I’m not and is God punishing me for it?, and the biggest one is probably: why did I end up here in the first place, away from my family and closest friends to build a new life that can be so challenging?!
Anyways, I’m sure writing everything down helped you have a more restful sleep the next night…at least I hope it did. Much love! XOXO-SWM
Oh my gosh, hello there dear SWM! You know, exhaustion is a wonderful thing much of the time! And I adore the glowing stars! They always make me feel cozy and full of smiles.
Yes–roger that on all the things that keep you up at night. I would be plagued by those as well were I single. I do NOT think God’s punishing you. As far as I’m concerned, worshiping God need not take place in a church. In fact, I think religion can really pervert His word.
Aw shoot, yes, being cut off from family and closest friends would be very difficult!
Yes, writing it all down did help me. Does that usually work for you, I wonder?
xoxo
Thanks, El. I waiver between the God who holds me accountable for my actions and the God who forgives me my transgressions…so often I feel I fall short of what I hope to be as a person. And, yes, yes, yes! Writing, especially in blog form, I’ve found, is very relieving to me. I used to journal every day in early sobriety. As I grew “older” I felt I was simply writing the same things over and over. Blogging seems to help me decipher what I need to get out of myself…what really needs to be purged whether to share something insightful, happy, or troubling. I value this atmosphere so much for simply venting and also for receiving support. Lots of love! -Kasey
Oh, and how did Ben get that scar? Poor little guy! The wonderful thing about our children’s skin, though, is that it is so forgiving and heals so quickly.
Yes, the skin is forgiving and heals quickly thank God! He got scratched by one of his friends (who apologized very well and felt terrible) and since this happened, the scar has really gone down!!
Lovely! How did I miss this?
Thank you so much Renee! I think WordPress has been wonky lately!
My 11-year-old son is on a class camping trip this week and I wouldn’t allow myself to worry. He got stung by a centipede the very first day and I kind of blame myself for not worrying a bit more.