Good morning friends!! I am starting a new thing here and I’m really excited about it. I run a page on Facebook called Running from Hell with El and it is my flagship, my baby. It’s where all of this (gesturing) started. I also help run another page called Rebel Thriver, which is dedicated to helping survivors of abuse thrive.
For these Facebook pages, I create a lot of posters and pictures that include my original writing. From now on, I will offer these for your enjoyment on Friday Photos. If you have time, please visit us on Facebook.
And while you’re visiting, please stop by my dear friend Doe’s page. To be honest, she helped me with the below poster. Giggle. A lot. She can be found at Happiness in Your Life.
Meanwhile, I’d love to hear what you think about what you see below. One in particular, about enabling destructive behaviors, takes a hard line and has provoked a healthy debate. I’ll lead with that one:
Do you agree?
This is hard. I know that I help people all the time. But I know that there have been times where I should have stepped away. I’m getting better at figuring out when to do what. I love your posters, and I wish I knew how to make them.
Aw thank you so much pardner!! Now that you’re finished draft 1 (WAHOOOOOO), I can teach you how to use Photoshop Elements!! I’ve been making them on there all weekend! xoxo
First I need to buy Photoshop. Which will happen when we all get new Macs. Just have to wait for Mountain Lion, dagnabit.
This is a lesson I have struggled to learn over the years… I often run myself down helping others only to find that I resent it later because they continously keep asking and it took me a long time to realize and understand that I enabled this behavior everytime I helped them out of bad situations repeatedly at the expense of myself. It seemed easier to blame them for everything than to look within and fully comprehend what was happening.
Aye Julie: exactly the same thing here. Exactly. But wow, once we start looking inside and seeing the truth, just wow. We can really accomplish great things!
Hardest thing in the world, to walk away from someone you care about. Until they care enough about themselves though there is not a thing you can do to help them.
Aye Val!!! Well-said my friend!!
Great advice, but tough to do. My (20-year-old) daughter has been having trouble with a very needy friend and she finally said “your depression is affecting me and our relationship and you need to get some help.” She’s going with her to her first visit to a counselor today. I’m proud she had the strength to be honest.
Nice feature, El!
Thank you Peg!
I love LOVE love what your daughter did in this case–both by being honest and being supportive to the friend, she is really being a good friend and example to the needy young woman. Really good stuff.
xo,
El
I absolutely agree and it is something I say often
I can’t handle it when people complain about the same thing over and over and over again. I will offer help, or advice, but after a while I will ask, what are YOU doing to change this?
I find it works well on myself as well
Yes!! I have been using the exact same stance with myself lately as well, and it has been really helpful to me. Instead of focusing on what happened to me in the past, I am looking forward and coming up with constructive solutions–so good on us both, lol!
There’s such a fine line between helping and enabling. I know I cross it sometimes, but it’s hard not to. Still a work in progress.
As am I, Lisha! And the last thing I ever want to do is to leave someone on the side, floundering for help! This is a hard call!
The first one speaks loudest to me, though all of them resonate. I am getting better at telling my kids that what they’re living with now is a direct consequence of their own actions. Little by little, I think they are starting to see what I mean, and accept responsibility for their own choices. Still hurts.
Aye Trece. I am getting better at it too, both with others and with myself, if that makes sense. It’s funny, because refusing to enable doesn’t mean we lack compassion, you know? It’s a form of tough love I suppose–and it hurts to give it and to get it sometimes! xoxo
Hiya, El, did you shorten this post? In my email I was able to see and read 4 posters (I think it was 4). Anyhow, interestingly enough I was going to comment on the first one. For me, this is a definite “yes, I agree”. As a recovered alchy and wannabemarried SAHM (wink), I learned to recogonize that the energy I use to “help” those who don’t take steps to help themselves consumes the energy I have available to help others who do. I’ve experienced this recently with another single working mom who reached out to me. I was honest…I told her: I will work with you, alongside of you, guiding you, but I will not do it for you. It only took about a week, and the process was put on hold more than once. Then some tough personal stuff occurred in this person’s life, but she’s been back home for awhile, and I’ve heard nothing from her. I’ve had to let it go. Prayer and leaving it to God. That’s all I can do in a situation like this. Thanks for sharing such thought-provoking words and wonderful photography! XOXO-SWM
Hello SWM!!
Yes, LOL. I shortened it after my writing partner read it and said something like, “Holy cow! You need to give one photo at a time so that you can save these up to share later!”
Same her as far as recovering, and as far as a SAHM, gosh, I used to spend way too much time listening to my friends and their problems . . . I love what you said to your friend, as far as helping, guiding, but not doing the hard work for her. It’s a shame that she wasn’t able to get it sorted out . . . but yeah. Sometimes we just gotta move on, even when it hurts!!
xoxo
Reblogged this on belindainspiration49.
Thank you so much for sharing this!!! xo
I love your poster El, and I love this idea! I’ve been doing more and more poster crossovers too. Often when I do a poster there is more that I want to say… so poster goes up and I head to the blog to send the rest of my thoughts to the universe.
Now as to content of poster – hmmm… deep water for me. I struggle to always see the pattern of someone asking repeatedly. Years go by… I need to be more aware. xoxo
Yes! I love to be able to expand on posters–I am working on a blog today that expands on two of today’s posters. It’s nice to be able to spread out a bit.
Thank you so much re this poster!
Ahhh–yes, yes indeed. I believe many of us can profit from increased awareness re this issue!
xoxo
It’s a lot easier to ask someone else to fix your mess, than to take the time and put in the effort it takes to fix yourself. Very much agree with you here. Like that old saying goes, “You can’t help someone who won’t help themself.” I’m not saying don’t help people, but be very aware of patterns of behavior. If someone is coming to you in cycles for help–then your saying is 100% accurate.
Aye–yes, it really is easier to ask someone else to fix your mess, and to request sympathy, rather than doing the hard work yourself. And yes, those people who are trying but just need a hand–are well worth the time and trouble we can put in to helping them out. xo
What a timely topic. It’s surfaced in several of my face to face groups lately. How much do we help a friend? And why is the whole scenario continuing to play out over and over again? I guess there’s some reward in being the victim all of the time. It’s amazing how many friends our acquaintance has burned through. What happens to people who keep doing this?