runningfromhellwithel

Last night, I read an article written by Phil Taylor from Sports Illustrated called The Sandusky Effect, and like so many things written by ex-athletes and sportswriters regarding the Penn State scandal, it ignored the perspective of abused children.  See SI, January 9, 2012, at 80. Taylor does not exactly defend Sandusky as much as he complains that because of Sandusky’s alleged rape of a boy, Taylor is afraid to give the boys he coaches a ride home from practice.  Taylor complains that when his players “come out of a game, [he] wonder[s] if it’s o.k. to squeeze a shoulder as a sign of appreciation.  Why is it so important to squeeze a boy’s shoulder anyway?  How serious of a loss is this?

To Taylor, not being able to squeeze shoulders or give hugs represents a huge loss.  He writes, “One-on-one interaction between player and coach, innocent and valuable, is lost.”  Really?  I call bullshit.  Just because physical contact must be limited “to gestures like a high-five or a fist bump” does not mean that boys will not receive the mentoring and instruction they need or want from male authority figures.  What it does mean is that unsuspecting boys will not be fondled, abused and raped by men who wear the misleading outer garments of a trustworthy adult. It means that physical boundaries of boys and girls will be viewed as mattering.  Mattering greatly.

It strikes me as odd that Taylor bends over backwards to state that the “recent allegations against Sandusky . . . are still unproved,” as if there is any doubt (in a non-legal sense) that Sandusky sexually abused boys.  Taylor could have simply stated, for the purposes of journalistic integrity, that abuse was alleged.  Adding the words “Still unproven” indicates a snarky disbelief that anything “really happened” in the Penn State locker room.  He does add, almost reluctantly, that the “increased attention” resulting from the case has made parents more vigilant and abuse victims “more willing to come forward,” and categorizes these as “welcome developments.”

And then, after this barest hint of a genuflection to the cause of abuse victims, Taylor undermines it by whining, “what about the overwhelming majority of coaches, those of us who have no dark motives?”  In other words, what about me?  What about my needs as a coach and a father and an adult?  And this is exactly the mindset that leads pedophiles to attack boys and girls.  They need; they want; they take; they touch; they rape and through it all, they never stop to consider the victim’s welfare.

For years, sexual abuse victims had no voice.  And when victims did begin to speak out and share their stories, folks shunned the victims or attacked their credibility.  So often, my own parents sat around the dining room table, glasses tinkling in the background, and gasped over the latest broken reputation.  “How can they believe these allegations?”  They asked, and I’d sit there in my chair and squirm as my folks batted down the science of unlocking repressed memories.  “How can we believe adults who are just now coming forward to report what supposedly happened to them as children?  Some therapist or shrink planted the story,” Dad would opine, and Mom would nod and murmur, “Just horrible, those shrinks are all in it to make a dollar.  They make more dollars if their patients were molested.”  And I’d tune them out as they bemoaned the fact that coaches and teaches could not longer so much as touch a student or an athlete.

I’m an adult now, with children of my own, and to my parents and their ilk, and to Taylor and his ilk, I call bullshit.  If you coach or teach children, go right ahead and give them a hug if they need one.  This isn’t so much about your needs: it’s about what the children need.  But by all means, if hugging the children makes you frightened or uncomfortable, then don’t lay hands on them.  Problem solved.  Or if you need to talk with a child privately, leave the door open or chat in the corner of a gym in full view of everyone else.  Never talk to a child who is not related to you alone in a vehicle.  And if guidelines meant to protect the children you teach or coach annoy, frustrate or stymie you in your efforts as a teacher or a coach, then go find another avocation, because I’m thinking you don’t belong in this one.