My brother beat me and molested me from the time I was 5 until I was 12. I understand your pain and your healing. You and I survived. So many of us dont. God bless you for choosing to live and for choosing to live well.
thank you for sharing. I had similar incidences, that I need to deal with. Which will be coming out when I start my Dialectical Behavior Therapy. You are so brave for sharing. Maybe one day I will be able to put what happened to me in words and also share.
You are such a great writer! Hopefully one day I will be able to write as good as you. Sometimes I have a difficult time expressing the way I feel through words. I tend to be short and to the point.
I’m so sorry you had to live through this. No one should ever have something like that happen to them. You’re incredibly brave to share your story with others.
Wow. It has been said that with enough energy you can go back and rewrite the past and change your karma for the better. You can’t change what has been done but you can forever alter how it is seen by the universe. You just changed time forever.
I second Lynda. “Warrior woman” is right. The beauty is that you don’t use those warrior ways to degrade, but instead to make “the future come alive”–and better.
I’m sorry for everything that happened, but glad it made you you, and that this “you” is in my life.
El, I love you. I also love Little El and I find the Big El that went back and kicked ass for 15 yr old Little El absolutely magnificent. You said “I tell you this story not to save anyone or even myself. I tell it because it needed to be told.” And you told it ever so eloquently, like no one else could have; for all the anger and the hurt you still maintained more than a degree of dignity and you gave Little El such a powerful voice all the while keeping her cushioned in the gentlest of hugs. That’s you, El, that’s what a mother should be and that’s you. That’s something you need to know: your kids will never need their Big Selves to right past wrongs done to them; they have you and Travis in the here and now.
My friend, my new friend, my dear friend. You often speak for many without even meaning to, possibly without being aware of it. I am shocked and appalled for you and at the same time applaud your grace and fortitude.
Dammitt. This made me cry, and now I have tears on my keyboard.
This atrocity happens to so many of our sweet girls. I had a group of 3 close girlfriends in high school, and all of them had been molested or raped by a family member at some point.
My dear friend, KB had been raped by her brother repeatedly from age 6-13. When KB told her mother, she called her a liar and nothing further was done about it, and her brother continued his abuse. I hated him. I wanted to kill him every time I saw him.
My other friend KV, had been molested and raped by a step-father or uncle or maybe even both. It was never clear. These two girls tried to end their lives on multiple occasions, and thank goodness they didn’t.
My other friend, J, had been molested by an uncle. I was and still am amazed at how often these things happen, and am even further saddened by the horrible fact that even if the victims tell someone what’s happening to them, they’re not always believed and the abuse continues.
El- you are indeed a warrior woman, along with my dear friends who endured the same kinds of abuse.
I am most in awe of my friend, KB who suffered the worst and yet, managed to make it through and now has a wonderful family with 3 boys and a loving husband.
I don’t know how you do it. You’re an inspiration and an amazing woman. Love and light to you and your family.
Love and light right back to you, my dear friend. Sigh. Yes, we are warrior women and we are safe now. I am so glad that all of your friends made it out of there safely. Thank you so much for your compassionate comments. XOXO, El.
this really touched me. your words brought tears to my eyes, darling el, and as angry as i am for the things that you had to endure, i love you more and more for being the brave soul you are for confronting these memories and sharing them.
i also suffered silently through years of physical and sexual abuse before finally being able to find my voice, and i applaud you for telling your story. much love, my favorite warrior <3
Krissy: at this moment, reading the above, my soul aches. I feel like screaming “Why?! Why so many of us?!” Instead I sigh, and think of how far we’ve come. Hugs and love, fellow warrior.
“My friend, my new friend, my dear friend. You often speak for many without even meaning to, possibly without being aware of it.” from ehmcke is echoed in every comment here. Your courage to tell your story speaks for all who cannot speak, and lets them know they aren’t alone.
These stories need to be told. I know this, as surely as I know that we need to breathe. It doesn’t matter whether or not we understand WHY we need to breathe~ we need to breathe, nontheless, regardless of our understanding. We also need to tell our stories, regardless of whether we understand the reasons why we need to tell them.
Congratulations on telling your story, El. Please don’t stop, until all of your story is told. I am telling my story, too. Because it needs to be told.
For most of my life, I was afraid to tell, I was ashamed to tell, I thought it was WRONG to tell. Wrong to think or talk about “the past,” as if the present were not a product of the past. But now that I am almost 59 years old, I know that I must tell my story.
El I feel for you in so many ways and rejoice that you are in a better place in life. My parents were horrible monsters. It never amounted to anything sexual, but starvation, beatings, mental abuse, alcohol and drugs… It was a life that I lived constantly ducking my head to avoid being hit. When I left my families house for the last time as a teenager I got into a fist fight with both of my parents and kicked some a**. I exploded. For years I did drugs, slept with strange men, married an abuser, got divorced, married a great guy, we went thru drug issues because I was mentally unstable and encouraged the excess usage… but now things are great, and my family is dense, seeing nothing wrong with the past. I’m just grateful that even though I live in an old RV, and I barely have a dime to my name that I am loved and safe once and for all… and Kudos to your guy!
Deana,
Sorry I didn’t respond last night (stomach flu). I am so sorry for what your parents did to you. And I am so proud of you for creating your own new life despite all of your challenged. You are indeed loved. And that is what we deserve. xoxo.
El
My brother beat me and molested me from the time I was 5 until I was 12. I understand your pain and your healing. You and I survived. So many of us dont. God bless you for choosing to live and for choosing to live well.
God bless you too Elaine. And yes we not only survived but learned to thrive. Hugs to you.
El…you are one hell of a Warrior Woman. Thank you for telling the story.
Aw, Lynda, thank you. Thank you so much.
Oh, El. I am so sorry to learn this about you. You are brave and bold beyond measure. Thank you for writing this.
Congratulations on this. A thousand times over.
thank you for sharing. I had similar incidences, that I need to deal with. Which will be coming out when I start my Dialectical Behavior Therapy. You are so brave for sharing. Maybe one day I will be able to put what happened to me in words and also share.
You are such a great writer! Hopefully one day I will be able to write as good as you. Sometimes I have a difficult time expressing the way I feel through words. I tend to be short and to the point.
I’m so sorry you had to live through this. No one should ever have something like that happen to them. You’re incredibly brave to share your story with others.
Wow. It has been said that with enough energy you can go back and rewrite the past and change your karma for the better. You can’t change what has been done but you can forever alter how it is seen by the universe. You just changed time forever.
Dawn, you say the deepest, most amazing things my friend. Love you my friend.
I second Lynda. “Warrior woman” is right. The beauty is that you don’t use those warrior ways to degrade, but instead to make “the future come alive”–and better.
I’m sorry for everything that happened, but glad it made you you, and that this “you” is in my life.
Aw, that has a nice ring to it Deb–Warrior Woman. Thank you. And I am grateful that you are in my life too. Hugs.
Ditto what Deb said!
Hugs right backatcha Chris!
El, I love you. I also love Little El and I find the Big El that went back and kicked ass for 15 yr old Little El absolutely magnificent. You said “I tell you this story not to save anyone or even myself. I tell it because it needed to be told.” And you told it ever so eloquently, like no one else could have; for all the anger and the hurt you still maintained more than a degree of dignity and you gave Little El such a powerful voice all the while keeping her cushioned in the gentlest of hugs. That’s you, El, that’s what a mother should be and that’s you. That’s something you need to know: your kids will never need their Big Selves to right past wrongs done to them; they have you and Travis in the here and now.
My friend, my new friend, my dear friend. You often speak for many without even meaning to, possibly without being aware of it. I am shocked and appalled for you and at the same time applaud your grace and fortitude.
My dear, I love you too. And thank you–from the bottom of my heart–thank you. Much love to you. –El.
Dammitt. This made me cry, and now I have tears on my keyboard.
This atrocity happens to so many of our sweet girls. I had a group of 3 close girlfriends in high school, and all of them had been molested or raped by a family member at some point.
My dear friend, KB had been raped by her brother repeatedly from age 6-13. When KB told her mother, she called her a liar and nothing further was done about it, and her brother continued his abuse. I hated him. I wanted to kill him every time I saw him.
My other friend KV, had been molested and raped by a step-father or uncle or maybe even both. It was never clear. These two girls tried to end their lives on multiple occasions, and thank goodness they didn’t.
My other friend, J, had been molested by an uncle. I was and still am amazed at how often these things happen, and am even further saddened by the horrible fact that even if the victims tell someone what’s happening to them, they’re not always believed and the abuse continues.
El- you are indeed a warrior woman, along with my dear friends who endured the same kinds of abuse.
I am most in awe of my friend, KB who suffered the worst and yet, managed to make it through and now has a wonderful family with 3 boys and a loving husband.
I don’t know how you do it. You’re an inspiration and an amazing woman. Love and light to you and your family.
Love and light right back to you, my dear friend. Sigh. Yes, we are warrior women and we are safe now. I am so glad that all of your friends made it out of there safely. Thank you so much for your compassionate comments. XOXO, El.
this really touched me. your words brought tears to my eyes, darling el, and as angry as i am for the things that you had to endure, i love you more and more for being the brave soul you are for confronting these memories and sharing them.
i also suffered silently through years of physical and sexual abuse before finally being able to find my voice, and i applaud you for telling your story. much love, my favorite warrior <3
Krissy: at this moment, reading the above, my soul aches. I feel like screaming “Why?! Why so many of us?!” Instead I sigh, and think of how far we’ve come. Hugs and love, fellow warrior.
“My friend, my new friend, my dear friend. You often speak for many without even meaning to, possibly without being aware of it.” from ehmcke is echoed in every comment here. Your courage to tell your story speaks for all who cannot speak, and lets them know they aren’t alone.
Thank you dear Summer–thank you.
Thank you.
These stories need to be told. I know this, as surely as I know that we need to breathe. It doesn’t matter whether or not we understand WHY we need to breathe~ we need to breathe, nontheless, regardless of our understanding. We also need to tell our stories, regardless of whether we understand the reasons why we need to tell them.
Congratulations on telling your story, El. Please don’t stop, until all of your story is told. I am telling my story, too. Because it needs to be told.
For most of my life, I was afraid to tell, I was ashamed to tell, I thought it was WRONG to tell. Wrong to think or talk about “the past,” as if the present were not a product of the past. But now that I am almost 59 years old, I know that I must tell my story.
Elaina
Thank you my dear Elaina. Please do tell your story. It does need to be told. Much love to you.
Your reply *almost* made me cry.
It’s okay to cry.
I think so, too. But sometimes it is difficult to manage. I have cried so much already, that the well is nearly dry.
Elaina: I never cried for little El. I have a lot of difficulty showing my feelings and overcoming a lifetime of masking how I feel.
Oh, you are amazing, woman. I’m crying for you. Thank you for telling your story.
xoxo my dear. And thank you, thank you so much!
El I feel for you in so many ways and rejoice that you are in a better place in life. My parents were horrible monsters. It never amounted to anything sexual, but starvation, beatings, mental abuse, alcohol and drugs… It was a life that I lived constantly ducking my head to avoid being hit. When I left my families house for the last time as a teenager I got into a fist fight with both of my parents and kicked some a**. I exploded. For years I did drugs, slept with strange men, married an abuser, got divorced, married a great guy, we went thru drug issues because I was mentally unstable and encouraged the excess usage… but now things are great, and my family is dense, seeing nothing wrong with the past. I’m just grateful that even though I live in an old RV, and I barely have a dime to my name that I am loved and safe once and for all… and Kudos to your guy!
Deana,
Sorry I didn’t respond last night (stomach flu). I am so sorry for what your parents did to you. And I am so proud of you for creating your own new life despite all of your challenged. You are indeed loved. And that is what we deserve. xoxo.
El
Deanna, your life sounds very much like mine, including your current situation. YAY for finding love and safety at last!
Exactly Elaina!!! xoxo.
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